I m very super Tired and discontent... I have to hand in art today so no choice have to ton in sch so that i can finish everything.. Staying at hme and doing my art the advantage is i can take my own time... The disadvantage is that once i do everything finish, most of the time its rejected cos i dunno hw to colour or draw.. So today have tamil class so aft that rush back to sch to countinue art and everyone was rushing as the timeline was getting nearer and nearer! I had to give in everything by 6.30 pm and i am yet to do mindmap, artist statement, colour scheme and paste my drawings onto the board.. So it extend till 7.30pm but still was nt able to complete.. My mum called me hme so i go back hme.. I explain to her that its a must for me to go back then onli work can be done! So she allowed me to go back w/o my dad's permission.. If i ask my dad for sure he will ask me nt go... And mr sham took bypass.. He had the keys to the main gate.. So we can stay back in sch and do...So frm 8.30pm -1.10am i was in sch and this is the first time i have stayed back in sch so late and with my classmate about 20 pupils.. I could have made the choice of staying at hme and do.. If i stay at hme and do its nt up to standard and i will have to redraw.. And i m darm lack of slp.. The night before i didnt slp and imagine i was still in sch.. I was already dying.. I can nt bother to do! Its like my whole life in those werk.. I sit thru the nights and do art for the first time in my life.. So only i will know how tired and worked out i am...My dad was very unreasonable.. He was waiting outside my sch at 11pm as my classmates told me and he was already grumbling, so i dun give a darm... It nt as though i am in sch doing nth at all! Then around 12.45pm -1am, my bro called kamaliah's hp and my bro asked me to go back as my dad very angry.. So i said okay but they should understand! I have to pack up my stuffs and help clear everything.. Nt just because they call leave on the spot i must take my bag and go rite.. ANd there's only one key to the main gate.. I cant possibly ask one person accompany me down and walk up again.. And the whole sch is freaking dark! So we all packed up together and leave together... And when i walk out of the gate, i saw my bro and sis as they wanted to fetch me hme.. My sis was saying that my dad is super angry.. He was asking wat type of werk i was doing and why should i stay so late and many more.. She said i was finding sickness for myself... She said art is nt that important... If its nt important then why in the hell will i wan to waste so much of time and put in so much effort.. The words that demotivated me the most was " u cant make it lahh.... See ur drawing like shit! U cant even draw and colour! U finding ur own sickness.. He is gg to stop u frm sch! Go and die better lahh!! " I was like WTH!!! Its like the tears are already at my eyes but i just control myself... Tmr i have prelims and i m yet to revise! Do i wan to waste time in sch??? If today was nt the dateline, would i wan to ton in sch??? Even aft ton i am yet to complete! Why would i wan to put in so much effort if its nt important.. Nw the time is already 2.30am... Nw i have to bath, revise my tamil and finish off my art!!! I wunt have the time to slp.. In the evening gt festival and i have to go again!! Cant rest!!! Do i need all this??? I dun need to do all this if its nt important at all... I m already very tired and stress!! If this was the one which would decide ur life, would u do a gd piece or u wan it to be scattered??? WAn me do well in exams but when i wan study i cant!!!

Said i change alot.. I becum more playful... Nt studying and nt feeling the pressure but did u even know hw much pressure i m under!! I m too pressurised that i lost all my words... Its been days since i even have a gd slp... Once art is complete, i can rest??? BULLSHIT!!! I have to start my 'N' level revision and there will be paper 2 for art... And u think i m wasting time??? Yes i have been changing alot... I have changed to be a more playful person... Always go around disturb ppl... But dun u know my nature is like that.. I love to go around and disturb and play with ppl.. I dun think there is a change in myself at all... And when it was said nt by one but by two...... It was super hurting... Even the most understandable one dun understand me at all... Nt blaming anyone at all, but just myself and myself! I just feel like crying out my whole heart and scream out loud.... Its very difficult to fake a smile and its very difficult to be happy in the front... When i m alone and when i think of all the things , studies , pressure and problems... Do i have to suffer so much?? Sumtime i really cant take it anymore and i m just praying that i wunt breakdown.. I m still standing very strong and doing everything i can do but for sure at one piont of time, i really cant take it anymore!