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Tuesday, April 29, 2008 - 6:15 AM

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Ok really when BOREDOM STRKIES man.. Getting more and more bored these days.. I no longer have the "UP" kind of energy.. I feel so dead.. I getting very WEAK, Wat the hell is happening?? I wish the angel up in the pic, will bless me with some energy.. Hais.. I really feel like..... DOTS lahh...

Fear! I dunno, i think its wat im having with me.. I keep having fear.. O level MT paper is like wat?? 2 weeks?? 1 and the half?? Can i really do it and score for it?? I have been gathering all my forces and making use of it.. I really did sucks in my MT oral last week.. Again i emphasis on the word SUCKS! The two components involve was reading aloud and conversation.. Reading aloud wasnt a problem.. But when it came to conversation.. MY GOD! The words which came out was all ENGLISH! Trust me its ENGLISH! I mean i dunno.. I think i have been speaking too much english and very little tamil.. So it was like i speak a few words and english words came out again.. I had to keep apologising and tell the teacher " Sorry sorry.. I restart.." Then when i restart, i had the same prob... I tried very hard to talk whatever i could.. I knew i failed.. So i peep at the marks my teacher wrote and yah disappointing enough it was a fail.. 15/40.. Ridiculous.. I m a person who can really talk alot... Ask the people who know me well! If u wan me talk CRAP i also can! But i dunno wat went wrong.. I just felt so bad.. I mean it was unexplainable.. I just walk out of the classroom heavy heartedly.. I felt so disappointed but i still had to put a stronger front and act as though nth went wrong..

Next FEAR. Today was like kinda late for sch but nth was wrong, i mean it was report to classroom.. Then teacher there changing siting positions as our class did really badly for CA so called our mid yr exam.. And she was saying that the results were as horrible as for the L1R4 can reach the 52 mark.. I mean with that kind of results, who the hell wants u?? Wat darm course can u go into?? I mean its like i keep thinking positively! Really positively, i motivate myself by telling myself that "JUST MID YR! Can try harder!" Then i stop and think back again.. I dunno.. I jus feel so USELESS! I dunno how much i score or which danger zone i land in but i know i m in it! I m studying! Its nt as though i m not! But wat is the problem?? Why cant i score even when i study?? Study method wrong?? I dunno....Hais'...
I just at times feel like i am very stupid.. Is it very hard to just study and get a gd result and leave for poly? Saying was always easy, but achieving it is like way far from saying.. I dunno.. At times i just feel like giving up.. I think i have been thru enough... I mean, i at time just feel very SHIT! I feel very hais.. I dunno how to explain, seriously the feeling just sucks. I will sit and think back at the things i've done or am doing. Am i really doing the correct things?

I have said enough.. Its just that at some point in time i just feel like breaking down.. I m feeling so MIXED! No one, trust me.. NO ONE! Knows how i feel, wat i m gg thru... I aint angry... I feel so disappointed and sad its like i HATE myself so much!

Sorry this post is just not me!